The Hopeful Romantic #1

Lessons in love - Mayra Louise

A Hopeful Romantic? Yup, that would be me. I’ve referred to myself as a hopeless romantic for a long time but I’m not hopeless at all! So I decided to add some positivity. I’d like to share some of my lessons in love with you. And I hope that you can relate to the hopeful romantic part of me…

I’ve been thinking about starting a love section on The Publisized for a while now. For me my love life is where I learn some of the most valuable lessons about myself. Especially about the way I love myself.

A little background information… I’ve been single for over 4,5 years now. Before that I was in a relationship that lasted 6,5 years. It ended because we got completely disconnected. At the end of that relationship the love was literally gone. We weren’t intimate. We didn’t share things anymore. It was just broken. I was broken too. But after six months of sobbing – and eating crap!- on the couch I decided to open up to love again. Or at least to a lot of lessons about love. I believe I’m learning the most of the men who actually don’t love or care about me at all.

The Hopeful Romantic

Recently I learned a major lesson about me as a lover: I am important. Seems obvious, right? To me it really wasn’t. As a young kid I learned myself to tune into the needs of the people around me. Which can be a good thing, unless you also teach yourself to put other people’s needs above your own. Unfortunately that’s exactly what I did. The impact of this behaviour on my love life was huge because I would let men get away with a lot of bullshit. And when I say a lot I mean a truck load of it. What it all came down to? Words instead of actions. And for some reason it was hard for me to take things at face value. I still wanted to believe the words instead of the actions. I still wanted to believe in the dream instead of the reality. What can I say? I’m a sucker for love (or a love placebo apparently – yikes!).

But lately things have changed. I met this guy I really liked. It was cool for a couple of weeks. I felt some butterflies for the first time in years. Until one evening he decided that it was okay to keep me waiting when we we’re supposed to meet up. The only thing that wasn’t agreed on was the time. Eventually he ended up blaming me for messing up our potential date because I asked him to update me. He got mad about the way I asked about it -he said he’d call and he didn’t, so I checked in to see what was up- and felt like it was okay to just ignore me for another hour (keep in mind that I was already waiting for him for two hours). Yup, I was actually that chick who would wait for a man for three hours. But when he texted me to tell me that it would be better to meet another day and that I pissed him off I was like: I’m so f*cking over this. Long story short: Shared my thoughts and explained my boundaries. He wasn’t able to give a proper response. It escalated. Three weeks later he texted me to apologize. Within days we we’re back to the same bullshit again. This was obviously not the love of my life. Okay thanks bye!

The situation actually taught me a lot. I was pissed that evening when he kept me waiting for three hours. The thing I was mad about? The fact that he made me feel like I was not important. I was actually thinking about a reply to his shitty text when I came across notes on my phone. Texts I’ve sent in the last couple of years to men who treated me shitty. There was one sentence all the messages had in common: You make me feel like I’m not important.

The Hopeful Romantic

Suddenly it just clicked: I gave men the power to make me feel unimportant. Like it was their responsibility to make me feel important. I realized that it wasn’t. I’m the one who’s responsible. I’m the one who should know, live and feel that I am important. I’m the one who should know that it’s not okay if a man treats me like an option instead of a priority.

I swear my whole love life passed by. And I thought to myself: Woman, you need to get your fundamentals right. A lot of the bullshit I dealt with the last couple of years is linked to this lesson. And honestly, I can’t anymore. I am important. And if a man fails to see that and doesn’t treat me that way, I’m out. Because it’s important to know that you are important. Damn right it is.

What are the most valuable lessons your love/dating life taught you so far? And what would you like to read about in the next ‘Hopeful Romantic’?

Keep shining, loves!

Mayra

Images by Monique Gerritsen 

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5 Comments

  1. My most important lesson I’ve learned in love so far (I hope to learn many more!), is that acceptance of each others personality is the key to love, freedom and confidence. Of course combined with mutual investment in the relationship and open communication. Let the other one have weird habits, who cares if one has a tendency of overthinking. Laugh at your weirdness and treasure it. If you can have this as a base, you can handle everything together!

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